Romance

Recently I've been re-reading my journals and I've noticed a few of things:

1) I can be very long winded
2) It is splendid to see in retrospect how God answered prayers I journaled (for instance...)
3) God created a good romance for AJ and me

It's been fun to revisit the specific ways that God answered prayer. How he redeemed days & places I had associated with other boys by giving me precious memories with Andrew in those same places, on those same days. How when I was journaling prayers specifically for my future husband, AJ was really getting refined, and even though we weren't aware, our hearts were being prepared for the relationship God was getting us ready for. It's cute to see how I meticulously recorded dialogue & texts that were exchanged.

This all makes me love and appreciate the man I've been blessed with.

Have a prayer, a romance, a journal that's been collecting dust? Let this be my encouragement to you to brush the dust away & to revisit those hopes & desires (I'm getting all sappy...) and to give the glory to Jesus for how he answered (or graciously didn't answer) those prayers.

Thanks for reading!

when Jesus was showing off, part 2

Tonight, I'm continuing on a theme from the previous post about how this week has been altering my attitude. Let me explain more by telling the story about an innocent thrifting trip AJ and I had at Goodwill today, and how Jesus used it to, again, show off His crazy love for me.

If you would be so kind, note the shiny, orange family of cookware posing for a picture at the front of our stove. These caught my eye as I was casually scoping out the housewares section, and I flipped them over to check their quality.


Well, they're good, very good quality. Le Creuset. Three lofty Le Creuset pieces resting on the shelves of an ordinary Goodwill. There's a Dutch (or should I say French) oven with a lid, a small saucepan with a spout, and a nice little skillet that begs for some butter to be melted in it. The skillet alone, on the Le Creuset website costs $75 new. The Dutch oven, over $200. We paid $70 for all three pieces.

Andrew bought them for me for my Christmas & birthday (Dec 26) present because after we happened upon this extraordinary discovery, he wanted to really bless me.

I'm still amazed at this find. I'm not used to having really nice things, and I don't expect to get them. So when something like this happens, I'm caught off guard. It feels like a miracle.

(Today I'm linking up to her library adventures, sharing the find.)


Tonight I told AJ how this week has been so much better than I could have hoped. With the band recording the album this week, requiring his absence in the evenings, I expected a lot of loneliness, feeling overwhelmed with the baby, not having the car, the rainy weather & simply missing my husband. But it's been great. Just as the girls prayed on Tuesday, I have been able to be creative (there are still lots of ideas ruminating in my cranium, waiting for action), to have quality time with friends, to have little reprieving pockets of good time with AJ, I've been able to simply enjoy my almost 1 year old son, and I've seen expressions of God's grace poured out on me this week. Like finding Le Creuset cookware that I'd never imagined I'd get to own.

Jesus showing off again.

I told AJ I almost expected to be resentful about the time he'd be away during the recording. It'd be so easy to gripe "He's off doing the band thing while I'm stuck here..." but that hasn't been the issue at all. Looking back at the last several days, I see God's kindness toward me each day has been instrumental in forming a new attitude in me. There's been joy in knowing Andrew's hard work, his faithfulness at pursuing a dream is going to be rewarded soon with an album. It's been a long time coming, and I told him he can rest assured I'm sending him off to record with my blessing, rooting him on from home.

It's not about the luxury of being able to cook with fancy pans. I'm simply aware of the undeserved love Jesus has sent my way & how this week it's doing it's beautifying work in me. He is good.

when Jesus was showing off, part 1

This week I feel as though I've been enveloped into a different life, finding random pockets of peace, spurts of creativity, & unexpected favor. It began humbly, Monday morning, with my expectation that this would be an extra trying week. AJ's band is recording their first album this week (hooray!) but since all members are working men with day jobs, the majority of the recording is done after work hours, 6pm-midnight or later. Since evenings are usually when we get family time, I was prepared to be bummed and to have to get used to a single mom lifestyle.

But, I couldn't see the whole picture. Jesus had a different attitude He wanted me to adopt, and through His kindness, I'm humbled to now describe some of the sweet things that have been happening this week.

First, Monday morning we got the knock on our door from our friend & neighbor Kristin, telling us our dear friends Chris & Lysha, who now live in Colorado, were there for the day & a bunch of us were able to & have lunch, hang out and keep happy company together.

Tuesday, as normal, I hosted a girls small group at my house. Each evening, we end our time by sharing prayer requests and praying for the person on our left. First, I was feeling challenged to ask for prayer for something specific (thanks to encouragement from my sister Liz) and different than usual. I asked the girls to pray that while AJ's recording this week that the time he's away would be good for me, full of creativity & good time with Jesus. Second, those girls blessed me by not sticking to the "pray for the person to your left" guideline & a couple of them prayed for what I asked along with my regular prayer requests.

Wednesday afternoon I got a text from Lysha, inviting me to dinner at her in-laws' house two hours away. I got the ok from AJ, packed up the baby, invited my friend Anne to come along, and we were off. We returned to town well after 1 am and I felt grateful for the company I kept that evening, spurring me to creativity & godliness in my roles as a Christian, wife, and mom.

Thursday AJ has a long lunch & we had some great family time. I accomplished laundry. :) One of the sweetest things was playing with Ransom that day. There was a point before bedtime when I was on back on the floor & he was on my tummy & he quietly rested his head under my chin for several minutes. I just held him, gratefully. Between work & recording AJ came home, was there to witness Ransom climbing all the way up the stairs for the first time and was able to read him bedtime stories before he went to the recording studio. When AJ got home, (12:30 a.m.) we watched the latest Terra Nova on hulu together while I finally finished putting together our birthday banner.

I'll finish by telling what happened today in another post, but what I want to express by all this is that Jesus is showing off. He's taking my lowly, downright pessimistic expectations and by many kindnesses, making my attitude more beautiful.

grass touching his feet for the first time

Tonight we dropped by a barbecue that was in honor of seniors who are a part of the local Young Life program, and on our way out, we paused in the green grass and sunshine to let Ransom take his first feel of green grass on his bare toes. He made that cute gasping happy sound and I took out my camera to capture the moment. The song "YMCA" was playing. :) I'll have a lovely memory to go with that music for the rest of my life.

I love observing Ransom as he experiences things for the first time. This discovering business has been on my mind of late thanks to this post by one of my favorite bloggers.
Thanks for reading!

kairos moment

Wednesday on the bus I was on my way to my doctor's appointment & I had what Madeleine L'Engle calls a kairos moment. From what I remember from Walking on Water, this sweet book she wrote about creativity & being a Christian, kairos is a moment outside of normal time, chronos. It's a moment of realization, where things seem more real, more of what they really are meant to be. This pops into my mind to explain kairos: as if for a moment the veil of the Shadowlands is taken away & a shimmer of a glimpse is permitted into the greater story being written.
On that crowded bus I was aware of the life inside of me, of the miracle that he is, and the intentional timing of God in bringing him into our lives. How thankful I am for our baby, for every movement he makes that reminds me of the MIRACLE he is!
Moments like this make me excited about living, about the story of beauty God is creating from our ashes.
After the kairos moment hit, I took some pictures of the things in my lap, wanting to remember what little interests are making up my life right now & to keep pictures of this season before Ransom comes. Wanting to remember the kairos, the particular lighting on the bus that day, etc.
By looking at what's in my lap here, and what I'm wearing, I am thinking of Laryn, the Vencills, Erin, Jessica, Moriah, mom & dad, my interest in cooking & sharing in the pleasure of old movies with AJ & our friend Tony.
I am looking forward to this business of living & to living past the Shadowlands!

when do you feel most alive?

I've been going through this book called Expecting, which goes week by week through pregnancy & describes the baby's development & the development of the mom & there's a prayer that ties in to the week's developments & finally a page to briefly journal. I've been procrastinating with it, now being in my fifteenth week of pregnancy, so I am going back over the previous weeks & reading & praying what I've missed. Tonight I just finished week 6 & the journal question is: when do you feel most alive? I wrote:

"It always has something to do with the Holy Spirit. Sometimes it's celebrating-a wedding, a graduation, or watching spontaneous baptisms at church! Sometimes it's on a date with AJ when we really get to talking & merely holding hands is electrifying. Sometimes it's talking with a friend (like with Jamie last night) & hearing her stories of God's provision-I get such hope! Sometimes it's when I create-paint, cook. Sometimes it's when I'm on a walk & the breeze hits my face & the air smells like Michigan. Or in the summer when I've just gotten out of a lake & the sun warms me dry. Or when I finish reading something good, or experience something beautiful in an unexpected place. Like a cellist playing in the Portland airport as I wait for a flight."

Pause

Here's an article I just read & loved! This quote from the article stuck with me:

"A journalist once asked the Trappist monk, Thomas Merton to diagnose the leading spiritual disease of our time and he gave a curious, one-word reply: ‘Efficiency’."

Hmmm...

P.S. The picture of the ocean is just a bonus.

tea for Christmas

I was permitted an early Christmas present from Andrew & was so delighted with it that I'm devoting pictures & an entry to it.


Busted out the Brown Betty teapot for this one! I love the beautiful way that the tea is wrapped. The paper around the tea has gold crowns on it, which I am thrilled to be able to use to make cards or other crafty things with. Two mornings in a row I've enjoyed English Breakfast tea, and I'm looking forward to having more today as I attack some reading I've been meaning to do. A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, Tea with Jane Austen, and some plays from my former drama instructor in college.
Thank you Andrew for the gift of British tea! You know me so well, know how much I am enthralled with England, with good tea & you truly take delight in watching me enjoy these things. And how that puts me in mind of God's love...what enjoyment he feels when I'm enjoying what he's given me, but deeper... How I come alive when I'm delighting in Jesus, truly.
Don't mind me, just processing some things.
I enjoy so much more what I've been given, simple as they may be, when I'm on track.

I don't want to forget these things

It was one of those walks. The temperature, breeze, leaves lifted, light, & sound all transported me back to South Dakota & washed me with awareness. Reminded me of several walks home in S.D., this walk to work I had this morning. His presence was there & loving me.

This weekend...my friend Laryn & I went to a craft bazaar. We walked into the entry way of the beautiful home hosting the bazaar & women surrounded Laryn, exclaiming over her swollen belly, oohing & ahhing & bestowing glorious, sweet joy, loving words & touches. Laryn was basking in it & I got a taste of it too. How appropriate...reminded me of Elizabeth & Mary in Luke 1. Generosity was shown to me too. I found a gift for my sister Erin's birthday (be watching the mail, soon, Angeldust!) & was given a precious gift myself. It has been over a year that I'd wanted a pretty, simply framed chalkboard to write inspirations on & I found it at the bazaar, more wonderful that I'd imagined it. The price was in my range, if I'd been shopping for myself, but it was given to me as a gift from the lady who made it. What! Generosity was shown to me, more than I deserved or expected.

Afterward, Andrew & I met with a student interested in serving as a Campus Catalyst for his university. (If you want to know what this means, go to www.campusamerica.org to read stories, watch the video & get involved with praying on college campuses.) I was feeling nervous & insecure about what to talk about, how to encourage, really feeling like my role in Campus America was the wrong size for me & I was too small to fit into it. But it was wonderful. Fredrick told us stories & we told him stories & my spirit was refreshed, being reminded of the God Most High who's still actively answering the prayers of His children. Groundless worrying, why do I get stuck so much?

And Sunday...listening to a Damien Rice song, I was distracted, missed the exit I was supposed to take & ended up taking a ten minute detour on my way to a book club. We're reading the book "Captivating" by John & Stasi Eldridge, learning about unveiling beauty this week. That detour that seemed like a waste of time, the song I happened to be listening to, I realized later these happenings were instrumental in teaching me about love. Abandoned, wild, passionate, generous, love. When it's "safe" to give, when circumstances allow, the timing's just right, love is crazy & sometimes makes no sense...

...somewhat like this post.

getting Beauty straight

Here are some notes I took at the 24-7 Prayer Gathering in Minneapolis in May. The talk was by an artist, Linea Spransy, and I rediscovered these notes in my journal on Sunday. They're worth sharing:
We are people who should be blazing with hope!
We can turn around and bless God with a unique language that we have.
Beuty-outside of God's will takes the form of seduction.
The downfall of many artists is egoism. Lucifer was the most beutiful. Beauty is not always good.
Beauty: the love language of God.
Our little plans get lost in the spaciousness of God's creation.
Crime goes down when there's beauty around-think of city sections.
People, when they wear beautiful things, their behavior changes.
Beauty pulls beauty out, light attracts light.
Egoism ends in a withdrawal from the spiritual community. The antidote to that: we belong to a family, seeing value in other people.
Egoism has become a virtue, a very false virtue.
Imagination is inexorably linked to compassion.
Selfishness reomoves us from reality.
Our culture has cut us off from reality-can't you see it everywhere?
We see ourselves as a whole, not a part of a whole.
Our culture is connected to comfort insted of heroicism.
Laying down the art itself...take your life, your lifestyle & live it the way God says to live it, creatively, deeply creatively, and with virtue. Virtue is a really exciting idea and it's hard.
Oh! For a church that is virtuous!
Oh! For artists who are virtuous and not self indulgent!
Constantly check our ego at the door, constantly check our desire to do what's easiest at the door.
The bass note of gravity of this is the sacrifice it requires.
So we lay our lives down as living sacrifices.

shattered

Here is the scene that awaited us as we arrived to open the church this morning (minus the orange things we added after discovering the scene):

Yup. Someone threw a rock through the glass door. Shards were strewn all over the floor. It was a really impressive sight, with the shiny glass catching the light, like jewels. It was beautiful. What had happened was serious, though. Someone didn't like the door the way it was and decided a gaping jagged hole would suffice better than your average glass door. Did it have to do with the fact that the door opened into a church? Hmm. Maybe.

Something our pastor said about the event during our service hit me in a right way, too. He led us in prayer for the person who did the damage & said it's not okay for someone to feel like they have that on their record, that the bad guy (yes, the devil, and he is bad) wants people to feel burdened by things like that, to make them feel unworthy or guilty, and THAT'S NOT OKAY.

Got me thinking that I'm glad I go to a church where there's a disturbance like this. The shattered glass door reminds me that the faith I hold to is a threat to some people, like I wrote in my journal, the gospel & Jesus are not the fragrance of life to everyone; to some it's the smell of death (I stole that from brother Paul). Perhaps it's because the church is making a difference & people are being set free from addictions, from bad relationships, from mediocre, and our church was due for some sort of disturbance. However that works, anyway, after discovering the shards & brokenness, my morning was so GOOD. Worshipping with a bit of the tension of the morning's discovery hanging in the air was the missing ingredient for an offering for a King who often gets mediocre praises from me. I was so inspired during the sermon & afterwards & had to write ideas down so I wouldn't forget them.

And then it struck. Like a Rock breaking into the church. Who's our Rock? The Lord is our Rock & our Salvation. And when that thought dropped into my head, I saw that morning's events as a prophetic statement that God (our Rock) is bringing breakthrough into the Church.

Yes! Take it, take it! Not just for the congregation I attend, see it for yours too! We're family! A gift for you!

May we be shattered, our protective doors be shattered, into a beautiful mess to welcome in the risky King who has life and wind and breath and grace in Him.

And an end to guilt, for sinners. Like the taxcollector in Luke 18, praying, "Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner."

peculiar treasures

This morning I had coffee with my friend Jamie, a very good friend. Since I've been married & out of the college culture, it's never failed, every time after being around Jamie I think, "She's a treasure." To borrow from Robin Jones Gunn (I read her books in high school) Jamie & I are peculiar treasures. It works so well. I'm the Christy, she's the Katie because I have brown hair & Jamie's hair is red (refer to the Christy Miller series by Robin Jones Gunn).

I love her life. Jamie lives downtown in a little studio apartment within walking distance of the library, the university campus, and so many coffee shops. She's...how do I explain four years of friendship? Challenging. Out of the box, adventurous, spontaneous, curious, interested in cultures, fashionable, sassy, Jamie face, who's also one of the people who has taught me the most about communication. Also about loving people. She works with people who have addictions & counsels them. I couldn't do that, but I appreciate her ability to & her heart to help people break their addictions. She's in a good position to see the brokeness & to help process, advise & intercede. Sometimes the brokeness overwhelmes me, but Jamie encourages me to see that it is so do-able to help people. I see Jesus in her.

Now that I don't see her every day, my glimpses of Jamie mean more, I think. Gotta take advantages of the friendships in front of your face right now. When friends move away I don't want to regret times I could have spent with them and didn't.

Working on those friendships, bit by bit.

This braving the Beauty business...makes me think. God's the most beautiful, He's the beauty I seek...and He brings us into relationships. Not only with Himself, but with other people. I want to be a good steward of the people He puts around me, the close ones, the neighbors, the one...like how Jesus would leave the crowd and go after the one person who was alone, struggling, lost. I'm seeking to be better at that.

Here we go, rocketing into a fun-filled adventure.

Rich

I feel like a wealthy woman. Late last night Andrew was playing his guitar & writing down lyrics for a song he's working on, as I was baking a cake for a bridal shower/bachelorette party for my friend Emily tonight. As I sat on the couch, I was brainstorming ways to frost the cake this afternoon, when I looked at Andrew creating & looked around me & had the impression that we are wealthy. All of our needs are taken care of & we still are able to give away to other people. Seems like wealth to me.
Circumstances would argue. We're broke. We're also fighting that mentality because we have this crazy idea that we're going on a three week road trip to visit family starting next Friday, and as we were praying yesterday, we still thought it was a good idea. Time (a little less than a week) will tell, but we keep hoping. Monster Mammon doesn't like us right now, but he doesn't matter, I'm convinced.
So, as my 24-7 Prayer Facebook friend Carla Harding likes to say (wouldn't she love that introduction?), if you are of the praying to Jesus persuasion, send one out for us.
In the meantime, I am thankful to be so wealthy. This wealth must be from the One who is Beautiful.